bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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