his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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