I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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