First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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