This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
