This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
