looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
