nut hugger
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
