drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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