left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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