morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
