she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
