Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
