just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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