can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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