Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
