I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
