honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
