I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You are the jesus of drinking
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
