I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
