If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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