If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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