yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My pussy is not your playground.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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