I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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