You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?