I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
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Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.