He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner