I want to make a zoo with you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo