I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES