you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
