Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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