I skipped work to stalk him.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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