I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
