so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm passing your future prison.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
