You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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