She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
