I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Couch. On fire.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
