She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
