The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
