And the cops told us we were all naked.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
