my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
