"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
