party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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