My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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