I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
