shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
