OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
