You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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