i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
