i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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