Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
