her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
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I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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