Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
