I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
They took my balls.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
