Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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