Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
