Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
