I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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