real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
