TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
