then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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