I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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