The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
