I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
