you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
