dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
