I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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