I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
