Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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