Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You're like the curious george of whores
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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