Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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