FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
