booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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