I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
