its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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