I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
