Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
