my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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