thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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