Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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